Pastor unplugged

washington;day 5

2008-03-07T03:38:00.002Z

Met with Cassandra Carmichael this afternoon of the National Association of churches, an umbrella grouping of 35 church denominations in the US. They unite particularly around the issues of peacemaking, poverty and caring for God’s creation.

Our conversation mostly focused on the aftermath of hurricane Katrina and particularly the work being done still infact by faith communities in New Orleans, especially with such a poor government response to the disaster. There were 900 places of worship destroyed in the hurricane and even two and a half years later many are not restored.

My heart particularly went out to the pastors some of whose stories I heard about today, hearing from one on DVD. Men and women who had lost their own homes, their church buildings and were caring for the thousands of people in the churches who had also lost everything. Incredible stress. I was then particularly struck by something Cassandra said, that many of the pastors could not come to terms with getting involved with community development after the crisis. To give community leadership and get a vision to rebuild their communities. I have found myself asking the question, what does it mean for a pastor and for a church to be involved in transforming their community?? What does that look like, where do you even begin?

The journey continues.

Gordon McDade

washington; day 5

2008-03-07T03:38:00.001Z

Another remarkable person impacting their community today. We met Theresa Mullen this morning, who with her husband Steve started Kids Konnection in 1987 in the Anacostia area of DC, a poor, deprived and much neglected part of the nations capital. Originally connected to Bill Wilson’s Metro Sunday School on the streets of New York, this is a sidewalk Sunday School which today sees 1500 kids and young people through its programmes every week. Each week a truck pulls into a public housing site in DC and with games, lessons, puppets and songs the kids are told about Jesus and invited to place their trust in him. They learn that they are special and loved by God, forgetting their difficult surroundings for a while. Every week the family of each child receives a visit from a Kids Konnection volunteer to build relationship and show the love of God.

Other needs of the kids became apparent as Theresa and her volunteers got to know them and so they started life skills classes, a choir, a dance group, photography classes, job skills classes and are currently working on a cyber café with barista training to equip the young people to get jobs and hope for the future. The work crosses denominations and attracts active support from the churches in the area and beyond. All this for $240,000 a year which they have to raise. The passion to reach and equip kids outside of the church is so real and apparent in the lives of Theresa and her team.

We then met Steve Park who runs a ministry called Little Lights in another part of DC, again working with very disadvantaged kids and young people, only twelve blocks from Capitol Hill, the seat of government in this nation. I have really been struck by the extremes of this city. We have seen the White House and been to Capitol Hill twice with all the opulence of those parts of DC and yet we have been in areas totally deprived with incredible poverty and enormous needs! How can this be? Steve runs an after school academic club for kids with tutors and mentors to help them with their studies and touches about 50 kids each week. Another inspiring guy.

We were all greatly struck by Steve’s comments towards the end of our conversation today. He said the culture of the north American church is not living up to the Kingdom values expressed in the New Testament. I wondered if the NI church is actually any different? He was speaking in the context of churches being unwilling to engage with their community and its transformation. Have they, he wondered, as do I, way too narrow a definition of the gospel?

Gordon McDade

Washington; day 4

2008-03-06T03:15:00.001Z

To meet Rico Rush and Tyrone Parker of the Alliance of Concerned Men in DC is to encounter two remarkable men, passionate, visionary, committed and contagious, at the head of this amazing organization, with a great sense of humour and an infectious attitude to their community ministry in one of Washington’s most difficult districts. Both of these men and indeed many others in the ACM are ex-offenders, Rico a former heroin addict, who in 1991 on release from prison formed this organization which has the goal of saving the lives of “at risk” youth in high crime areas of the capital. The guys shared with us particularly the truces they have negotiated between rival gangs in the city, both boy and girl gangs, violent and disruptive in their local communities. The change effected by these truces has been remarkable. They are unashamedly a faith based organization and working closely in partnership with local churches, the police and with government. The meeting this morning, as with all their meetings, began with prayer. The sense of God among us was almost tangible. These men have testified before the US House of representatives and the US Senate Sub committee on children and families. Some of the lines from Tyrone that struck me were, “ before I go into one of these situations I need to soak myself down in the Spirit of God.” And “ we just use the Spirit of God and the spirit to make change.” And “ its not just a job, it’s a mission.

Gordon McDade

washington trip; day three

2008-03-05T05:05:00.001Z

We spent this morning at the American University here in Washington, meeting with some academics in the Peacebuilding and Development Institute and in the School of International Service and International Peace and Conflict Resolution. Bit of a mouthful but ostensibly these schools seek to provide research, training and capacity building exercises and events for those working away in their communities, often without thinking or reflecting too much on what they actually do. These scholars wanted us to think about community development, advocacy and conflict resolution.

Must confess I wasn’t sure going into this meeting about whether it would be a helpful conversation or not but there were a number of things that really struck me as good to take away for further reflection and action. One of the things was that scholars and practitioners do need each other in this work of community activity. Scholars need to see ideas tried out while practitioners need to reflect and write up what they do so that others might learn and grow. The importance of hearing the journeys and stories of others is so important if lasting peace and united communities are to be formed.

I was very challenged to think about what it means for a church community to build peace, say in my situation in Ballynahinch? To seek to listen to divided people, to grapple with sectarian issues, to bring people together to talk and listen to one another. Not even sure that I would know how to go about doing it or whether I am even up to it but should it not be part of the calling of the people of God to make peace among neighbours? Today really made me think a lot about my own story, my upbringing, my prejudices; I told some of my story to the group and how I felt the conflict in NI had impacted my life. Probably more than I thought. And am I doing anything now to build peace in my country? We as a church are doing brilliant work in our community, is there more we could do to be peacemakers?

Was really interested in the pretty constant mention of understanding and engaging with people of other faiths and the need to dialogue with them. Have never really thought about that at all and want to think some more. Reality is that other faiths are going to be increasingly part of our lives. The scholars we met with today were encouraging dialogue and learning through listening. Lot to chew over.

That theme continued as we met the International Ambassador for Habitat for Humanity this afternoon , Tom Jones. Habitat is also seeking to engage with the other monotheistic faiths in building houses and encouraging understanding in the process. All three religions share in common a call not to neglect the poor . In talking about NI, Tom said we were a place that needed the process rather than the product when it came to building houses. I knew what he meant, it was the working together that mattered. The “theology of the hammer” he called it. Its giving people a hand up not a hand out. The church has a missional calling, to serve others sacrificially and to both tell and show the gospel of Christ to the world.

Such a lot to think about today, my head is buzzing with the implications of all of this. The journey continues.

Gordon McDade

Washington trip; day 2

2008-03-04T02:39:00.001Z

This afternoon we visited an organization called SOME which stands for So Others Might Eat, a visit which made a huge impact on us all. SOME “exists to help the poor and homeless of our nations capital. We meet the immediate daily needs of the people we serve with food, clothing, and health care. We help break the cycle of homelessness by offering services, such as affordable housing, job training, addiction treatment and counseling, to the poor, the elderly and individuals with mental illness.”

SOME began as a soup kitchen in 1970 and still feeds 1000 people a day seven days a week. Each day, SOME is restoring hope and dignity one person at a time. There are a number of centres offering housing for families, food and clothing, medical and dental care, addictions treatment, mental health care and advocacy and social justice programmes.

It was the President of SOME, Father John Adams who impressed us so much and was for me the embodiment of the mission and message of the organization. Last year 248,058 meals were provided for people of all ages, 13,767 showers and free clothing was provided, 10, 524 medical and dental care visits took place and 51,336 hours of intensive job training to homeless and low income men and women. John has been with SOME for 29 years. His Christian character, humility, love and compassion were so apparent. His faith strong and personal, his commitment to prayer obvious. When asked by one of our group what kept him going he said, simply but profoundly that it is about “ seeing Christ in the people that we’re serving”.

The budget for SOME annually is sixteen million dollars, raised mainly through individual generous donors and the gifts of churches. It just touched me so deeply and challenged me about the value of each human life and the Biblical imperative to care for the poor and to see Jesus in them.

Talking about the value of each individual life, we visited the Vietnam memorial in Washington, a long black marble wall near the Lincoln memorial in the centre of the city. On it the names of every single person from the US forces who lost their lives in the conflict, over 58,000 names, their average age just 19. Talking to one of the veterans who volunteer to be there at the wall each day revealed the utter horror of the war and its continuing devastation in the lives of many. Many people take a thin sheet of paper and a crayon from the veterans and do a tracing, a rubbing of the name of a loved one from the carved letters on the wall, a keepsake to take away. Others leave little messages or flowers at the foot of the wall in memory of a family member or friend who fell in the conflict. We must surely continue to hate war and its consequences. To be an agent of reconciliation is surely the call of Christ on our lives.

Gordon McDade

day one; Washington trip

2008-03-03T03:51:00.001Z

So I’m here on a clergy study trip sponsored by the Department of Social Development at Stormont to have a look at some community projects which are faith based and significantly impacting their communities in the city of Washington. Am part of an overall group of 16 clergy, half in Washington and half in Pittsburgh and the end result will be a report and a presentation for the DSD and hopefully some developments and encouragements towards faith based community ministry in Northern Ireland.

This morning for me was a visit to a local church here in the city, so I decided to get a different Baptist experience by attending the Metropolitan Baptist Church, a large black Baptist church in downtown DC. Their pastor rejoices in the name of Dr H. Beecher Hicks, Jr. Sounded like a guy born with authority to me!! Today is the beginning of the 19^th Black church Week of Prayer for the Healing of Aids so that was the prayer focus of the service. The banners at the front of the church declared the church’s vision and mission and that they are currently in the season of Humanity, manifested by 40 days of random kindness.

Right from the start there was such a sense of the presence of God. The worship group, praise leader, the 40 strong choir robed in yellow and purple, the robed male and female clergy, the white robed Dr Beecher Hicks himself led powerfully, enthusiastically, energetically, vocally, verbally, prophetically a large and growing congregation, with we three whites in the almost back row, in worship. Oh for a bit of this passion I thought, the service punctuated with shouts and cheers, frequent rounds of applause, people standing up, raising hands and waving arms. There was a bit of performance to it but it had energy and engagement by the ton!! The flow of the Spirit led into response and free flowing worship and praise. The singing became even more excited as we sang about how great it was to be in the service and then mercy there was great and grace was free. We were sitting under the balcony and at one point looked up to see the ceiling above us moving up and down as the people above us bounced and danced about!!! The choir led us with such passion that by the end the whole church was on its feet in heartfelt praise to God. Newcomers were greeted and asked to stand and given a gift. Then hugged to within an inch of our lives!! New members were received and welcomed with the singing of leaning on the everlasting arms. An hour and a half had passed and we hadn’t even arrived at the sermon yet!! Or the offering of the tithe.

At the start of the printed order of service there were the words “from world to worship”, while at the end of the same order were the words “from worship to service” as we left. Interesting perspective. Challenging.

This afternoon we visited the United States Holocaust Memorial. Incredibly moving, heart rending, sobering realities of the attempted extermination of the Jewish nation and of other groups of people. The story of the marginalization of the Jewish people and of the so called final solution of the death camps and the gas chambers. One of the most poignant images still in my head was the massive pile of shoes left by those who died. Thousands and thousands of pairs of worn out shoes, decaying now but each one representing a life lost. So moving. It reminded me of the depths of the fallenness of the human heart and of the value of each human life. Of the potential within all of us to prejudice and the need to confront such attitudes within myself and others. And in a rapidly changing society like ours with many people from all sorts of backgrounds and races now coming to our shores, the challenge to love and accept and value and help others in Jesus’ name.

Gordon McDade

trust

2008-02-29T22:54:00.001Z

God has not chosen to answer every question we ask. It all revolves around trust. But trust is not easy. Perhaps one of the greatest evidences of our ability to trust is our willingness to walk on in the darkness. Can we trust God? One measure of trust is how deeply we relate to God and are prepared to live without answers.

Gordon McDade

encountering the prophetic

2008-02-04T16:49:00.001Z

Spent some time today writing up and reflecting on some prophetic words spoken over me at the weekend. Never totally sure how to go about the process but just sat quietly in the Lords presence and invited him to speak to me and impress on me his heart. To confirm these words or not to me.

So here are some of the words; Spirit is on you, you are a man of gifting and intellect, you like to see things work. You have been given weapons of authority and power. To kill a giant. To kill a giant with power and authority you have never seen before. This is an invitation to you to be a beach head in the nation and in the denomination. For significant increase in the Holy Spirit.

Seek the Lord continually. He will answer you and deliver you from all fear. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Or intellect.

You are an eagle with lots of feathers. Perhaps some preening is necessary. You hear the Lord clearly. You are called to make a nest in the heights. You will be kicked out of the nest but you are equipped to fly.

You are like Gideon, a mighty warrior. It is time to walk out of the wine press. You are a general.

Still processing. Listening hard to God and trying to cultivate silence in my life. Not easy since my life is a cacophony of noise. Don’t find silence yet it is there that I hear God speak in to my soul.

Gordon McDade

pipe laying for beginners

2008-02-04T16:36:00.001Z

Using for my devotions a book of Puritan prayers I was given for Christmas, “The Valley of Vision”. This mornings was called “Self-knowledge”, which began with these words which I have been thinking about all day. “ It is a good day to me when thou givest me a glimpse of myself”. Wondered if I would really consider that a good day from my perspective. The prayer ends with this great hope, which made me smile. “let me not lay my pipe too short of the fountain”. Great I thought! Oh to be connected to the steady gush of his fountain!

Gordon McDade

sabbatical reflections

2007-09-18T21:53:00.000+01:00

Said I would start to throw in a few reflections from the sabbatical processing so here goes. Divided reflections into four different categories so thought would do a bit from each over the next few days. Love ya to see a bit of where my heart and walk are at these days.

Started with my own personal walk with God, which for me is the single most important relationship in my life. I figure that if this is not right then nothing really is. Here are a few of the intentions out of a lot of waiting on God, prayer and reflection.

Long to experience a deeper intimacy with God. Think the way to do that is to prioritise spiritual disciplines. Honestly think these holy habits are the key to that intimacy with God. In fact, think we should get into them more as a church, might be part of Gods call to us over these days. Am keeping up with my daily journal, really in an attempt to lead a more examined life.

God has really been challenging me about humility now for a number of months. A recognition that he is Lord of my life and of the church and that all the glory for who I am or what we are is all due to him. We must never become too full of ourselves. It is always all about him. This is the character trait God has been highlighting most to me. Over the sabbatical time I was very privileged to receive prayer ministry fairly regularly and God again and again reminded me of my need to depend on him completely. That in itself was humbling.

I listened to a set of CDs by Gordon McDonald on The Resilient Life in which he talked about the different aspects of life over which some sort of intentional focus and direction is necessary. I am trying to work at these now in little ways. Those he named are; the physical, intellectual, emotional, relational, the ego, skills and competency, what he calls convictability ( Can I be rebuked?), and financial. Worth trying to do something in each of those areas I think.

I have also decided to have regular quiet days to give me space to think, reflect and pray, the first one scheduled for mid October.

Just a few things for starters, to let you know what I am trying to work on in my own life. Am grateful to God for his patience with and commitment to me.

His is the glory.

something happening

2007-09-18T00:22:00.001+01:00

Been a while since I blogged so here we go again. Really good to be back at work again after four months away. Would like to feed into the blog some of the sabbatical reflections over the next few days, just to let you know what sort of changes I hope to make as I get back into harness. Might just inspire you to pray or do a little bit of reflection yourself. Have really come to the conclusion that the unexamined is not worth living and have found myself emotionally reeling from a number of deaths connected to the church which have just shown me again that life is not a dress rehearsal and you only get one crack at it.

Anyway, here is what is buzzing in my brain right now. I just have a profound sense that God is speaking to me and to us as a congregation and I am not totally sure what he wants to do among us or even what that looks like. But I am excited that he is speaking and that there seems to be a general consensus among us that he is. Some of the themes have been these;

- the call to a clearer, bigger vision of God himself. That He might be our vision.

- a sense that god wants to revive dry bones within us both individually and corporately.

- That God is asking us “what is that in your hand”. Has God given us something unique as a church that he wants to use for his glory?

- Is this a kairos moment for us, as God is calling us to be pioneers moving to a new place with him or returning to where we once were with him?

Must confess I do have more questions than answers but have a desperate desire to lay hold of God at the minute because he knows absolutely what he is doing and wants to do. So many have said to me God is on the move. But what is “it” that he wants to do? How do we let him without quenching the Spirit and without frightening each other? Have we the courage, have I the courage, to let go and let God, wherever that means?

The recurring though out of my sabbatical and as we teach these days is the importance of personal renewal, of the renovation of the heart, of the recovery of spiritual disciplines. This has been a large part of the sabbatical time and I feel it is key to our onward journey as a church. In particular at the minute, fasting , repentance and confession are really pressing in on me.

I think it is time to humble ourselves and seek the Lord.

Gordon McDade

tears

2007-08-12T01:09:00.001+01:00

Not like me to cry much but over the last few days I have been reduced to tears twice, coming and flowing very easily too. Not like me, though I felt comfortable crying them. Maybe I don’t cry enough.

Still at the leadership Summit in Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago. Just finished today. Both tearful incidents came in the course of the sessions here.

One of the sessions was with Richard Curtis, writer, film director of Notting Hill, Vicar of Dibley, Mr Bean, interviewed by Bill Hybels about his heart for the poor and Red Nose Day. He doesn’t have faith figured out yet particularly but one of the things I love about this conference is the exposure to people of little or no faith who are all leaders and who can be learnt from.

In the course of the interview, some film was shown of two little boys, living as orphans in a house in what was little more than a rubbish dump in Africa. This had been filmed for the American Idol TV show and involved Simon Cowell and the presenter of the show, Ryan Seacrest, visitin g these little boys. One of the little boys, in saying that he had no mum and dad, broke down into floods of tears. My heart was touched and I balled my eyes out, tears streaming down my face at their plight. I was so touched, so stirred to want to do something for that little boy and his breaking heart. Even as I write this, the tears are coming again.

The other occasion was the last session of the conference today, which was about the power of inspiration in the life of leaders and followers. It began by telling the story of another remarkable boy, Patrick Hughes, for the US, who was born with no eyes and unable to walk, but who from very early on showed an amazing affinity for music, especially playing the piano. His struggle all of his life with his disability he has not allowed to hold him back. Just as great a hero is his dad, who works the night shift every night to spend the day with his son, wheeling him around in his wheel chair. The most amazing sight was young Patrick playing the trumpet in the school marching band, being wheeled around the field by his dad in the formation of the band, playing for all he was worth.

When the film ended, the lights came on to reveal Patrick at the piano and he sang and played for us. Incredible. I cried. From the heart again. And was inspired. And grateful for a remarkable life. And a remarkable dad.

Gordon McDade

summit thoughts

2007-08-10T00:11:00.001+01:00

End of day one at the Leadership Summit here at Willow Creek and lots to think about. 7000 leaders here filling the vast auditorium from so many nations, including quite a few from the UK.

As with all things Willow, the value of excellence prevails, from the very first song of the morning “Revolution” by John Lennon, “ we all want to change the world” go the words, to the African childrens choir in the afternoon with their exuberant dancing and lively singing. The outstanding band for the day kept up a fairly rocky type rhythm with high energy praise, though, at Bill Hybels request turned their expertise to country and to blues without any trouble at all.

The four sessions today each brought their challenges. Bill Hybels began by talking about vision to die for. He stressed the importance of everyone owning a vision. The days of the unilateral dispensing of a vision by just one leader are long gone, what Hybels called the Sinai method. For a vision to stick and be achievable it needs to be bought into by everyone in the church and building ownership takes time. Time to consult, time to listen, time to refine. Willows just recently adopted 2010 vision took eighteen months to hammer out with many conversations and meetings over many months. I found it very reassuring that vision building is a long and at times challenging process.

The challenge of the afternoon came from Marcus Buckingham, Cambridge educated consultant who worked with Gallup and now lives and works with organizations here in the US. Great communicator and really knows his stuff. His latest book is Go play to your strengths and the premise at one level is very obvious; we live in a world where we are inclined to play to and work on our weaknesses and not our strengths. He advocated getting to know your strengths and working through your week playing to them. What is it that, within your role, you love doing and what is it that you loathe doing? Keep a check through the course of a typical week to discover your strengths and play to them. Lots to think about.

Moe to come over the next couple of days.

Gordon McDade

Willow Creek

2007-08-08T21:06:00.001+01:00

Figured it was about time I revisited my blog just to let you all know where I am and whats going on.

Arrived last night in Chicago to attend the Leadership summit at Willow Creek community church in south barrington, a suburb of the city. Delighted to be here to engage with the leadership issue again.

Romans 12;8 is a significant verse for me and for anyone with the spiritual gift of leadership. It says if you are a leader, you are to “lead with all diligence”. Huge challenge in that.

Over the next three days that will be the challenge. The line up is stellar from Bill Hybels who will speak on Vision and on Inspiration, to Colin Powell and Jimmy carter, on leadership at the highest level. To Floyd Flake, the leader of a 23000 member church in New York city with an enormous outreach programme into their community, to Richard Curtis, writer of the Vicar of Dibley and Four weddings and \ funeral, on the issue of Global poverty.

It should be stimulating stuff. Will pour out my thoughts on the blog over this time. Good to be back.

Gordon McDade

bye for a bit

2007-07-02T22:26:00.000+01:00

Hard to believe it’s the half way point of the sabbatical now. Off to California tomorrow for three weeks with the family so wont be blogging. Back again about the 26^th ish so will pick it up again then.

Back about a week at the beginning of August, then off to Chicago to attend the Leadership summit at Willow Creek for a week, then some more conversations in England in the middle of the month before some more processing and writing up time, then back to work.

Talk soon,

Gordon.

Gordon McDade

what sort of church dont you want?

2007-07-01T23:02:00.001+01:00

I was sent an article by a member of the church and have been really challenged by it as I have read it over a number of times now. It was written by Paul Scanlon, pastor of the Abundant Life Church in Bradford, a thriving and active fellowship in the midlands which has experienced considerable change and growth in recent years.

Scanlon desribes the church as it was as “introvert, safe and exclusive” until with fresh vision for the lost and a desire to reach out to their community they experienced what he calls their “crossing over” which has led to the significant growth of the church. As he has traveled around all manner of churches and failed to be inspired by what is going on there, he has had cause to ask the question, “ what is wrong with the church?” and in this article he answers that question by asking another one, which I have been pondering. What sort of church don’t you want? Isnt that a fascinating question? How would you answer that?

He has twelve observations. Here are just a few. He noticed in the church a culture of lateness, lack of enthusiasm, passionless worship and unresponsive people. Of little responsibility given to younger people and to women, with little laughter and fun, irrelevant preaching, no vision and, coming out of his charismatic background “ too much weird, flaky stuff being allowed to happen” in the services. Wow! Filter us through that and what do you get??

Scanlon’s heart for the church is summed like this, towards the end of the article, “ To build a soul-winning, lost-bringing church. To outlaw “virtual reality” evangelism and refuse to weep over anything we wont do anything practical about.”

So, why not complete this sentence and share your vision. “ The church I see…….”

Gordon McDade

quotes

2007-06-27T22:43:00.001+01:00

Been doing some half way processing these last few days and going back over notes from conversations, talks and books. Just wanted to share some of the quotes I have come across which have impacted me most.

“ Focus on the invisible so that you can do what seems impossible. Sometimes you can only really see by closing your eyes.” Dave Loveless, pastor, Discovery Church, Orlando, talking about the importance of spiritual eyes.

“ The best leaders make fantastic followers.” Bill Hybels.

“ I am far from convinced that the life of our churches is shaped for mission.” Jonathan Edwards, General Secretary of the Baptist Union of Great Britain.

“ If a church of 200 members is a cat, a church of 500 members is not a bigger cat. It is a totally different animal.” Rick Warren.

“ What do you want to learn next?” Walt Wright, Director of Max dePree Leadership Institute, Fuller Seminary, California.

“ Be converted and always converting.” Puritan, Thomas Shepherd.

“ Their passion for changing the world derived from a conviction that they could not change themselves.” Gordon McDonald, quoting Scott Turrow.

“ Most Christian leadership is excercised by people who do not know what it is to have healthy intimate relationships and have opted for power and control instead. They are unable to give and receive love.” Henri Nouwen.

“ I see now that the loneliness of God is his strength. What would he be if he listened to all your jealous little councils? Well, my loneliness shall be my strength too; it is better to be alone with God. His friendship will not fail me, nor his counsel, nor his love. In his strength I will dare and dare and dare until I die.”

George Bernard Shaw writing the words of Joan of Ark when confronted by the Archbishop of Rheims and the French court.

“The decision to grow always involves a choice between risk and comfort.” John Ortberg.

“ A life unquestioned is not one you should envy.” Bono.

Gordon McDade

confessions of a pastor

2007-06-26T23:01:00.001+01:00

Every now and then you read a book which so challenges your heart that it causes you to reflect deeply on who you are and what you are about. Such a book is “Confessions of a Pastor” subtitled “Adventures in dropping the pose and getting real with God” written by Craig Groeschel. He is the pastor of Lifechurch.tv in Oklahoma.

Craig’s honesty is breathtaking as one Sunday morning he stands before his congregation and admitted to them that he was a spiritual impostor. How, over a lifetime, a well intentioned follower of Jesus had built an impressive exterior but failed miserably at being the real thing, a disciple of Christ. His ministry had become a lie. A total pretence. A professional Christian. I have been so challenged by that, a challenge that needs to be faced by anyone who claims to follow Jesus. What does it mean to be the real thing?

Over ten chapters then this pastor confesses some of the things on his and on the hearts of many a pastor, this one included at times. The titles include;

I cant stand a lot of Christians! Most of the time I feel incredibly lonely. I worry almost all the time. Sometimes I doubt God. I feel completely inadequate. I stink at handling criticism. I am afraid of failure.

Let me tell you, being really honest, I have felt all of those and probably more in my time. Maybe the call to drop the pose and get real with God finds a resonance with you too.

Gordon McDade